While visiting Kangaroo Creek Farm, smiling and appreciating the baby kangaroos, baby emus and assorted rodents of unusual size (Capybera and Maras) part of me was wondering just how hard it would be to shove a Joey into my purse. It’s hard…I assume. This is not an admission of guilt. PS, my strata has a rule against farm animals as pets.
The theme for Roadtrip 2017 is officially Fire and Ice.
- Wildfires (avoided)
- Semi-Truck Fire (watched)
- Hot-springs (soaked in)
- Sunburns (Seriously, how often do I have to re-apply and why don’t car windows have SPF protection?)
This is the sort of math problem I can solve. Just add dancing and my life will have peaked. We arrived at Miette Hot Springs Resort and it may be the quaintest place I’ve ever stayed. Little cabins. Outdoor activities. A lodge. Yay! I thought I was a total geek alone in the world until my husband started to whistle the some from the talent show at the end of Dirty Dancing. He is perfect for me.
PS. Who wants to kick in to hire handsome and slightly slutty dancers and re-create the movie?
PPS. It is COLD here at night…but dancing works up a sweat right?
PPPS. The sky is smokey and orange. If our luck continues we may drive away tomorrow chased by flames licking our tires. Fingers crossed. (Against the fire. I’m not a monster. Although that would look pretty cool.)
Roadtrip 2017 is officially on…kind of.
Plan one was to visit Barkerville via Clinton and Williams Lake, then head North and East. Then they closed Highway 97 for forest fires and evacuated several communities between us and our destination.
Plan two was to divert to our third stop (McBride). When we called our pre-booked hotel to check the status of the roads the hotel was all “One road is open. Don’t come here.” (This is about the forest fires right? Someone would tell me if my antiperspirant had failed?)
Plan three, Coquihalla Highway East, then this happened.
At what point should I take the hint? Staycation anyone?
PS, this is definitely going in a story somewhere. I’m not sure yet, but a truck full of diesel, encroaching forest fires, and a Coke truck (three cars back) that refused to open up and prove his truck was empty…there is a story here somewhere. (I didn’t ask the guy in the Milk truck if he was carrying, somehow a milk party on the side of the road didn’t sound like as much fun.)
PPS, I’m detoxing from another attempt to give up Diet Coke. I really wanted the Coke truck to open up.
I don’t have many special skills.
I have skills. I’m a good singer (one might say Karaoke star). I’m a decent painter. I make a mean perogy. But none of my skills were something I’d feel safe to call special, until now.
A couple of years ago I snapped off the fridge handle. After several disappointing days of checking for evidence of super strength development, I forgot about it. Until I ripped a handle off my bedroom drawers.
Just to be clear, the handle wasn’t loose and I didn’t use tools. It was me vs. an overstuffed drawer. We both lost.
The handle broke off in my hand which, having exerted considerable force in the failed attempt to open said drawer, accelerated rapidly into the wall. The damage looks irreparable (to the drawer not my hand or the wall which are bruised and unaffected respectively).
I’m not sure how yet, but I’m fairly certain this propensity for handle breakage is a useful and or marketable skill. Suggestions or how to monetize this are welcome.
I’m pretty sure I had the best KickStarter Campaign idea in history and I got rejected so I’m sharing it here. PS. I listed it under Art, KickStarter. Art. PROTEST POST!
Project Title: Wall of Snow
Funding Goal: $100,000,000
Project Description: Events across the border are getting frightening. Let’s build a wall of snow…Winter is coming.
About This Project
Developments to the South have been getting a bit frightening so I thought…wall of snow! Winter is coming.
I’m thinking, approximately 8891 km long (5525 miles) and 213 m tall (700 feet) but since that is probably impossible we will likely scale back the plan, probably to a backyard ice rink somewhere near the border, or to a few cold drinks…hard to say.
Extra funds will be needed to build the refrigeration unit (seriously it gets cold up here, but not that cold.)
Maintenance costs to be covered by Beavertail concessions on the penthouse level. Skate at your own risk.
(Yes, I know this makes Canadians Wildlings, but come on, Wildlings kick-ass. Who wouldn’t want to be a Wildling?)
Risks and challenges
- Risk – This is nowhere near enough money to build a wall of ice 8891 km long and 213 m tall but Kickstarter wouldn’t let me set a higher number so the project will likely be scaled back, probably to a backyard ice rink somewhere near the border, or to a few cold drinks…hard to say.
- Risk – I have no permission nor ability to build this wall. No chance. Not going to happen. So, you know, pledge at your own risk.
- Risk – People will totally not get that I manage anxiety with comedy and I’ll get roasted on social media. But hey, no risk no reward.
Support this project
Pledge $10 or more – Ice Cube
I will ship you an ice cube, wrapped in a piece of paper that says “thanks” by standard mail. (No refrigeration provided, it will probably arrive as a soggy piece of paper or maybe a dry piece of paper depending on how long the mail takes to arrive.)
Pledge $20 or more – The Music Lover – Baby It’s Cold Outside
I record myself singing “Baby It’s Cold Outside” (if I can get permission, or another song about being cold if I can’t) and post it online. As a Music Lover you will receive a link to the YouTube video that will mention your name as a music loving patron. And yes, I can sing. I will rock this.
Pledge $100 or more – Your Name in Ice
I will carve your name in a cube of ice then ship it to you. (Or several cubes if you have a long name…I’m not an artist, and I have no idea how to do this.)
Don’t worry I’ll also email you a picture…there’s no way the ice cube will survive in the mail.
(No refrigeration provided, it will probably arrive as a soggy piece of paper or maybe a dry piece of paper depending on how long the mail takes to arrive.)
Pledge $500 or more – Ice Brick Wall of Fame
Every generous donor that pledges at this level will have a custom brick in the wall of snow. The brick will be carved with your name and stand proudly to display your support as long as the wall stands.
No guarantees about how long the brick will last. And I’ll probably put them up around the 100 m level so you’ll never get to see them…but they’ll be there…trust me.
Pledge $10,000 or more – BeaverTail Concession
If you’re willing to shell out 10K towards our wall you will get the honour of running one of our exclusive BeaverTail concessions along the top of the wall. (No equipment, training or supplies provided. You just get permission.)
Please note 100 percent of all sales at your concession will go to supporting the maintenance of our wall, so this level of support is really indentured servitude…but it fits the theme.
PS I wanted this to be a 400K level, but Kickstarter has limits. Sigh.
Note: There are not limits to how many people can pledge at this reward level. An 8891 km will will need loads of Beavertail carts.
Help Wanted Labs
- Someone who knows how to build a wall.
- Someone with the permission or influence necessary to build a wall along our border.
- People with a sense of humour.
I’m just a person (who thinks this is funny) and uses humour to manage anxiety. Nice to meet you.
PS. I have no qualifications to build a wall of any type, nor the permission needed to do so…
I’ve taken on a new volunteer job where I get to smell like fish and risk tetanus every time I go (more on that another day). Before I could start I had to take a number of online training courses about chemicals and falling hazards and inappropriate touching. (Oh my!).
After taking the courses I feel well prepared to face the risks in my new volunteer role; and fairly certain I won’t touch anything or anyone inappropriately. (At least not on the job.) However, the safety training has had the side effect of making me feel decidedly unsafe in my normal job. Not because I’m really at any greater risk in my day-to-day life but because I’ve realized just how many things in an office can kill you if you eat them and how unprepared the rest of my office mates (who have not taken the fish-related-job online training courses) are to keep themselves and therefore me safe.
I used to think my boring office was a bastion of security. After all we have a health and safety committee that follows every rule there is; they really looks after us. (The committee once reprimanded me for storing something too high-up. They were worried it could fall in an earthquake and cause injury. It was bubble wrap.) So my office is safe right? Wrong. WHIMIS training made it very clear that I was in danger and I should have already had safety training (tsk, tsk, bad employer) to make me aware of the proper handling of workplace hazards like, wait for it, printer toner (which is apparently poisonous if swallowed).
What the training didn’t make clear is how I might accidentally swallow printer toner (I have some research to do), or if the risk is from disgruntled colleagues discovering that black toner blends right in with office coffee without effecting the taste (allegedly).
I’m sure my heightened awareness of risk will fade over time, but just to be on the safe side I think I’ll go make a list of everything at work I shouldn’t lick.
PS. There were so many jokes about inappropriate touching training I had trouble choosing just one. Please feel free to take a moment and tell yourself a few now.