I now officially know how many things is too many.
Well, at least I know for now. I have a habit of forgetting what this particular line in the sand looks like. But for now I know, it is all the things I’m doing now, plus studying for a French test.
I knew studying for my oral exam was putting pressure on me. I was frustrated, tired, I lost interest in doing much of anything and my body hurt. But far be it from me to listen to my body, or you know recognize abject misery held off by handfulls of chocolate chips and sour patch kids (alternating obviously, because they do NOT taste good together…not that I’ve tried…stop judging me.)
Anyway, I was in denial about how much it was taking out of me, until today.
Today, I finally did my test. Pass or fail (I’ll find out next week I hope) it’s over and I had a great day. Not that the day was actually that great… I had a difficult conversation with a potential new boss, I left work with 15 tasks in my email flagged critical and my BlackBerry is still frantically blinking trying to get my attention, but it was all manageable and the world of me lately that is totally great.
I smiled. I chatted with colleagues. I handled the stress of tasks and pending email and voice messages with what is probably close to a normal reaction.
I can’t decide if the lack of stress left me buoyant or if cutting away the worry tied around my legs allowed me to float towards the surface. But to everyone up here at the surface… Hi. I’m back.
Do you need a life ring to stay afloat, or are you sinking because you haven’t found a way to take the stones out of your pockets?