I’m pretty sure I had the best KickStarter Campaign idea in history and I got rejected so I’m sharing it here. PS. I listed it under Art, KickStarter. Art. PROTEST POST!
Project Title: Wall of Snow
Funding Goal: $100,000,000
Project Description: Events across the border are getting frightening. Let’s build a wall of snow…Winter is coming.
About This Project
Developments to the South have been getting a bit frightening so I thought…wall of snow! Winter is coming.
I’m thinking, approximately 8891 km long (5525 miles) and 213 m tall (700 feet) but since that is probably impossible we will likely scale back the plan, probably to a backyard ice rink somewhere near the border, or to a few cold drinks…hard to say.
Extra funds will be needed to build the refrigeration unit (seriously it gets cold up here, but not that cold.)
Maintenance costs to be covered by Beavertail concessions on the penthouse level. Skate at your own risk.
(Yes, I know this makes Canadians Wildlings, but come on, Wildlings kick-ass. Who wouldn’t want to be a Wildling?)
Risks and challenges
- Risk – This is nowhere near enough money to build a wall of ice 8891 km long and 213 m tall but Kickstarter wouldn’t let me set a higher number so the project will likely be scaled back, probably to a backyard ice rink somewhere near the border, or to a few cold drinks…hard to say.
- Risk – I have no permission nor ability to build this wall. No chance. Not going to happen. So, you know, pledge at your own risk.
- Risk – People will totally not get that I manage anxiety with comedy and I’ll get roasted on social media. But hey, no risk no reward.
Support this project
Pledge $10 or more – Ice Cube
I will ship you an ice cube, wrapped in a piece of paper that says “thanks” by standard mail. (No refrigeration provided, it will probably arrive as a soggy piece of paper or maybe a dry piece of paper depending on how long the mail takes to arrive.)
Pledge $20 or more – The Music Lover – Baby It’s Cold Outside
I record myself singing “Baby It’s Cold Outside” (if I can get permission, or another song about being cold if I can’t) and post it online. As a Music Lover you will receive a link to the YouTube video that will mention your name as a music loving patron. And yes, I can sing. I will rock this.
Pledge $100 or more – Your Name in Ice
I will carve your name in a cube of ice then ship it to you. (Or several cubes if you have a long name…I’m not an artist, and I have no idea how to do this.)
Don’t worry I’ll also email you a picture…there’s no way the ice cube will survive in the mail.
(No refrigeration provided, it will probably arrive as a soggy piece of paper or maybe a dry piece of paper depending on how long the mail takes to arrive.)
Pledge $500 or more – Ice Brick Wall of Fame
Every generous donor that pledges at this level will have a custom brick in the wall of snow. The brick will be carved with your name and stand proudly to display your support as long as the wall stands.
No guarantees about how long the brick will last. And I’ll probably put them up around the 100 m level so you’ll never get to see them…but they’ll be there…trust me.
Pledge $10,000 or more – BeaverTail Concession
If you’re willing to shell out 10K towards our wall you will get the honour of running one of our exclusive BeaverTail concessions along the top of the wall. (No equipment, training or supplies provided. You just get permission.)
Please note 100 percent of all sales at your concession will go to supporting the maintenance of our wall, so this level of support is really indentured servitude…but it fits the theme.
PS I wanted this to be a 400K level, but Kickstarter has limits. Sigh.
Note: There are not limits to how many people can pledge at this reward level. An 8891 km will will need loads of Beavertail carts.
Help Wanted Labs
- Someone who knows how to build a wall.
- Someone with the permission or influence necessary to build a wall along our border.
- People with a sense of humour.
I’m just a person (who thinks this is funny) and uses humour to manage anxiety. Nice to meet you.
PS. I have no qualifications to build a wall of any type, nor the permission needed to do so…