I was at a friend’s house the other night, talking and having an all together enjoyable time when I was forced to interrupt our conversation to inquire, in a casual sort of way, while I considered my options for escape, what she was doing with the straight pins?
Me: What are you doing? (I may have actually said, Why are you stabbing your flowers?)
Friend: Stabbing tulips. (she may have actually said “stopping the tulips from drooping” but I like my version better)
Turns out she was jabbing a straight pin into her beautiful, freshly cut tulips because tulips are zombies. Well the zombie of the plant world. You don’t believe me? Totally understandable but that’s just because you don’t know the facts (what you are about to learn may save your life in the tulip-zombie apocalypse). Apparently, cut tulips droop for two reasons. Firstly, because they are leaning towards a light source (moving once they are dead). Secondly, they droop because they keep growing after they are cut. (And by cut, read dead.)
Then as if that wasn’t creepy enough my friend informs me that to prevent the drooping (zombie-like activity) you stick a pin into the tulip right where the stem and the flower join… right through the head of the flower. Seriously. Does that sound concerning to anyone else? You kill them and they keep moving (growing, whatever,) and the only way to get them to stop is to pop them one through the head. Just. Like. A. Zombie. This may actually be where it all starts people.
Anyway, in other news I had a great conversation at work today.
Friend: I’m so burnt today.
Friend: I couldn’t sleep.
Me <with a deep and really cool level of sarcasm>: What, excited by your new job?
Friend <slightly ashamed>: I have a cubicle and a really big plant.
Me: People whose souls aren’t dead are so cute.
Here’s hoping her new plant isn’t a tulip.
Have you ever thought about what your super power would be? I would want to do something unexpected (like have chlorophyl in my skin so I could be solar powered), but that could also make me a lot of money (I haven’t figured out how chlorophyl can make me money yet, but I am open to suggestions). Because let’s face it, the super hero business isn’t exactly a way to get rich. Super villainy, that’s where the money is (please note I am not a super villain…yet). But maybe the money isn’t in super hero work because no one has ever really tried to commodify their super power. For example Super Man would have been really good at say bridge building (moving heavy things), or transporting really sensitive packages, or space exploration (why pay for rocket fuel when you have super man at hand?). Imagine a world where super powers developed, but rather than wasting their time trying to “fit in” and “live a normal life” the super got a great PR firm and sold whatever it was they did? How would you commodify a power? Would that cause problems? How do you set a price for your services without falling into the villain role and having to fight off a bunch of other supers? And what would happen to the people who got less valuable super powers (like chlorophyl skin). Would that be just another reason to go evil? Spend ten minutes telling the story of a super that went commercial.
Note to all real super heroes that read this.
- I am not a super villain (yet).
- I am not a super hero that has turned villain so please don’t gang up on me.
- I am totally available for super PR work.