Have you ever stepped onto an elevator to encounter a bad smell? Then as the door closed hoped no one else got on so they wouldn’t think you had caused it? Totally happened to me last night. A friend and I got on the elevator to encounter a strange, corn-like, odour. It wasn’t good. Then a few floors later the door opened to admit another passenger. When he was in and the door had closed I just came out with it “That corn smell isn’t us. Just in case you wondered.” He started laughing, probably doubting the veracity of my statement, but it’s not like I could let it go…the corn smell totally wasn’t us.
In other news, I’ve decided that in the future everything I do today will be considered bad. I’ve been thinking a lot about how perceptions change over time. For example, in the past people thought cocaine and opium were healthful, ripe tomatoes were poison, and letting women vote would cause the end of civilization. All of these things seem silly to us now, “how could they have thought that?” But, I bet loads of people who, I don’t know, “educated savages” or gave their children cocaine toothache drops probably didn’t think of themselves as oppressive or of poor judgment.
So I started thinking about some of the things I do today. For example I sponsor a child through World Vision. Good right? I mean she gets food and cloths and an education, her whole community gets a hand up. For the most part I feel that I am on a solid “good act” footing. The thing is that I’m fairly sure 100 years from now someone is going to point at me (because I’m that important) and shout “Colonial Oppressor!” Thankfully I won’t be able to hear them because I’ll be dead, and cremated (which is a defense against becoming a zombie and hearing accusations from beyond the grave). But the point is that no matter what we do, someone will probably see it as misguided in the future. Other “good” things I do that will be judged in the future:
- Give homes to rescue cats (especially stupid ones, I prefer stupid pets because they are happier). – Cat slavery.
- Giving my niece the Disney Video collection of a lifetime. – Encouraging digital addiction.
- Eat meat. – Selfishly usurping the earth’s resources, and contributing to global warming through cow flatulence.
I worry things like that, someone has to.
PS. I baby talked to a giant pit-bull name Chaos on the weekend. “Good boys get a cookie.” Then I gave him a cookie; after all he was a good boy.
Sharing: This is a silly little poem I wrote for a baby shower card.
Buildings grow, brick by brick.
Dams grow, stick by stick.
But families grow in fits and starts,
With bundles of joy to rest in your heart.
The best stories in the world, the ones you would never think to write, come from real life situations. Situations that you can’t believe are real, but there they are. People constantly amaze me, and I borrow their lives for inspiration. Browse your favourite news media looking for unusual titles. For example today I found these headlines:
- “U.S. Government says world will not end in 2012.” (Seriously, they needed to say it?)
- “Couple held at gunpoint while driving.” (Where was the gunman?)
- “5 Strange allergies, from sex to sunlight” (I was allergic to sunlight as a child, but I grew out of it. No, really.)
Search your local news for strange headlines then imagine the story behind the headline. (Reading the actual news story is cheating.) Spend twenty minutes writing your version of the news story. This could take the form of a mock journalistic piece (Remember when writing a news story, use the inverted pyramid style.) Or, you could write the story of how the reporter broke, pitched or wrote such a crazy piece. Happy Writing.